I was the kid who made being weird an art form. People said I was extra, too much, and always marching to the beat of a different drummer.

Translation: I was the kid nobody wanted to sit with at lunch, or play with, or go anywhere with. In high school, I briefly became popular – but only because I had a car and offered free Uber services to desperate friends.

As an adult, my quirks still make me the friend equivalent of a clearance sale: nice, but not exactly first pick.

Middle age is here, and honestly, it’s getting old being stuck in one-sided relationships. They truly suck.

Time to break the cycle, already!